So, I´m going to print a retraction for last week´s email. Little did I know that when I typed out "Yeah, and I can already understand my companion" was I alerting headquarters that I was actually getting somewhere. I can picture Heaven like the CTU control room. God´s walking around with a bluetooth on His Ear, there´s angels in white robes sitting in front of computers with headsets on, there´s printers spitting out papers. Angels are running around with folders. I imagine last wednesday night went something like this -
Angel Higgins - Uh, oh, Sir!
God - Hey Isaiah, I liked that part about the fiery flying serpents, sssss, ouch! heh heh
Angel Higgins - Uh....Sir
God - Yes Higgins?
Angel Higgins - We´ve got a comfortable one.
God - Well you know what to do.
Angel Higgins - Yes Sir!
Angel Higgins places his finger on the "humble" key, which has been used so many times the key only says "hu le". This is not to be confused with the "smite" key, which is right next to it, and has a drop of cheese from last night´s $0.99 nacho supreme from TacoFriend. I hope my investigators never ask me what I personally think Heaven is like, mainly because I dont know how to say "control panel" in portuguese, and because I dont want them to think the only thing that happens when you get to Heaven is you´re handed a goody bag with one free flying lesson, an eternal lifetime supply of ibuprofen and malox, and a "Managing Mortals for Dummies" guide book.
"Forever´s gunna start tonight, forever´s gunna start tonight"
Actually Bonnie, it started last thursday morning. I wake up, go about getting ready for the day, and I cant understand anything Elder Lima is saying. I catch little words here and there, just enough to know the gist of what he´s saying. I´m completely friggin lost. We go out, do contacts, and I have no clue what these people are saying. Apparentely they have no clue what I´m saying either, because I´ll say all of the right words, and they just stare at me. Then, Elder Lima (God bless him) says the exact same thing, and it clicks for them. "oh yeah, you can come over". Rock on. So I think my job here right now, is just to get peoples attention with my strange accent and looks. Little kids stare and point, old people just look and spit. It´s awesome. I love being in Brasil. There´s certainly no missing a 6´2 white guy walking next to a 5´9 brown guy, both of which are in white shirts and ties when everyone else is in shorts and flip flops. We go about teaching lessons, I stumble through my 0.036% of the lesson, Elder Lima picks up the rest. We´re a heck of a team. Sunday was fun, it was fast and testimony, thank goodness, so I´d be able to throw out a blanket of who I am, where I´m from, all that jazz w/o being asked 26 times those same questions. I lay it down, and we go to class. These people talk sooooo friggin fast. And I´m not even in São Paulo! The teachers ask me to read, so I read, (which I can read better than I speak, and I can speak better than I understand), and then ask me to comment. I say something that was so far off in left field everyone just nods and then they move on to the next person. For the record, these members are awesome. During testimony meeting everyone got up, and bore the most powerful testimonies. Its not hard to understand the Spirit. It´s a small branch, with about 26 active people. The members arent able to feed us alot here, so we´re left to fend for ourselves most of the time. I´ve gotten really good at making bacon and eggs. The bacon here is a little different from the states. Here, it´s just a block of bacon, and you cut off what you want. I´m a thick-cut kinda guy, so I go through the bacon pretty quick. Everything´s cool though, and we always have enough to eat (that´s for you Mom).
When we teach lessons, I can just say enough to get through my shpeel, and then I´m outtie for the rest of the lesson. I might was well be part of the couch. When people ask me questions, I just pull a dumb grin, go "mhm..." and turn to my comp, hoping he heard what they asked. This, more often than not, brings this fun little question - "Ele não entende?" No, I cant understand, yet. But, most people here are cool with it. They just smile, kinda chuckle, say something to you again just to extract that dumb little grin, and then move on to what they were asking. Last Friday, we went to members house for some water because we were tracting in the area. They had a few kids, with the oldest being around 13ish. We were all playing around, talking smack, and after he said something that I didnt understand, he asked that same question - "ele não entende?" So Elder Lima explained that I was still learning. This gives the kid free reign, so the thinks. He just goes off, calling me every name in the book. I can understand what´s going on, and bust out in english.
1. It feels really good to speak english once in a while
2. It´s incredibly weird when you speak english and nobody understands.
With the tables now thoroughly turned, I start going off on the kid, and he´s now the one with the dumb look on his face. Just to rub salt in the wound, I ask him "Voce não entende?"
Oh, sweet justice.
So yeah, that´s been my week so far. Everything is going good. I´m sick again, with something, I have no clue. I hear gunfire 2-3 times a day. And by gunfire, I mean automatic weapons. I can tell there´s m16´s because of the three-round burst. This is a town of 36,000 people. I didnt hear this much gunfire in Houston. So yeah, gun control works great down here ;p
For the record, the next person that says Americans are arrogant is getting judo-chopped in the throat..... And that´s all I´ve got to say about that.
We had district meeting this week. It was awesome, the parts that I understood. I´m so blessed to be working with awesome people down here. Everyday I can teach a little more, say a little more, understand a little more. The Lord is with me, and He´s guiding me through this process. I know that He lives, that He is our Savior. I know that he is very much interested in everyone´s lives. He loves us, and is doing everything possible to help us return to Heavenly Father. The more I learn about this Gospel, and about this whole plan, I realize just how perfect it is. There´s not a chink or a glitch anywhere. I defy anyone to find one. This is the true Church of Jesus Christ, restored again on the earth because God loves us. It was restored through Joseph Smith, who was called of God to bring to pass this last dispensation. I know these things to be true by the power of the Holy Ghost. Nothing can take this testmony away from me, and I will speak it to the entire world if I could. God Lives, Jesus Christ lives. And they will carry us through if we allow them. I am so grateful for the knowledge that I´ve been given, and I want to share it with everyone. I love all of you, and pray that all of you can have the same joy that I have. Please stay strong, pray for strength to withstand satan and the world, and you will make it.
Elder Mate Standard
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