Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I´m trapped in a glass case of emotion

Hey folks
 
 
I got transfered again. My time with Elder Lopes was short, only a week, and then I returned back to my area in Londrina. I wasnt there even a day when I got the transfer notice. I only knew I was going to Tupã, I didnt know who my comp would be. That´s the only thing I dont like about transfers, is the comp switching. Well, that and carrying my baggage down the street, that sucks, but yeah. With the comps you never know if he´s gunna be an American, Brasilian, cool, d-bag, or what. I always get nervous at transfer times. It´s all cool though. My new comp is Elder Bower. He´s from Washington D.C., and he´s been out for 14 months. I´ve only seen a smidgen of our area, so I dont know anything about it yet, but I love our house. It´s friggin huge! There´s two bathrooms, which I´ve found to be essential in the life of a missionary. There´s nothing worse than the enemy at the gates after lunch and your comp jumped in the bathroom before you. I´ve never paniced so much in my life. I can bear any other type of pain except for stomach pain. I start sweating like a toasted cheeser (10 points if you guess that movie). But this house, graças a Deus, has two bathrooms, so everything should be copacetic. We´ve got a water purifying system, which is awesome because I forgot my little water bottle filter in Londrina. Hopefully I´ll get it back at the next Zone conferance.
 
This week has gone by sooooooooo fast. It seems like all I did was stand up, and then sit back down at the computer to write ya´ll again. It´s already August. Before I friggin know it it´ll be Christmas and I´ll have a year. It blows my mind. I´m panicking to do as much as I can because I keep having reminders of how short time is out here. When it´s in front of you it seems like forever, but when it´s behind you, it feels like a blink. I had a huge wake up call yesterday, because one of the Elders that I was living with went home. Elder LaBanc. He´s got a 30 hour flight to Japan. I´m not jealous in the least point. I kept telling him all day (for bad or for good) "Dude, youre going home!". Right now it feels like I´ve got forever, but I know it´ll pass all too quick.
 
I´ve learned alot this week. Once again, I´ve learned something huge that´s changed my mission, and my perspective about it. Elder Lopes and I were walking home one night and on our street is about 6 different churches. We kept passing them and we kept hearing all of the false doctrine that was being shouted from the pulpit by one who dosent have any authority. The worse part about it is, is that the people were shouting amens and glorias at whatever the pastor said. They were actually agreeing with him. They didnt know any better. They grow up, get baptized in the Catholic church, fall away, and if they follow any kind of religion it´s the evangelicals. At that moment I hadnt the greatest desire to be the best Elder I could to be able to help all of those people. I want to become like Nephi, in 3 Nephi 7:16-18. He preached with so much power that the people couldnt not believe his words. They knew he was right, and they even got angry with him for it. So, right now that´s my goal. I want to shake the powers of hell. I´m going to need alot of help, and I´m going to need alot of prayers from ya´ll that I´ll be able to do that. Please pray that I´ll be able to be inspired to know what to say, what to do, what to study, and anything else. I know I can do it, it´s just gunna take alot from me. I keep thinking about the final judgement, for me personally, and it scares me. Oh the mere thought makes me shudder. I know I`m going to burn. Everytime I study, everything that I´ve learned and read just shows me what a horrible person I am. It´s like every flip of the page condemns me. But, then I think of everyone else that I see on the road and I know that I could help them in some way to stand before God, with a clean conscience at the day of judgement. How selfish would it be of me to save myself, and not give others the opportunity to have what I´ve had? I cant stand the thought. I´ve gotta be able to help everyone. This is my goal. I think with my new comp I´ll be able to do this. He seems like a straight shooter, and for this I am grateful.
 
I´ve also made another goal this week. To completely give up english. I know I´m writing to you in english right now, but I figure once a week should be fine. I´m making portuguese my language. I already have a hard enough time speaking english. Every time I type a word I think of the portuguese equivelant. I keep having to delete words because I´ll be thinking in portugeuse and then accidentely type it. So, I figure if I want to change peoples lives, I better be able to speak their language, ya know? It only makes sense. I dont want to just be understood. I want to be able to say whatever I want to in portuguese. I dont know to what extent I´ll be able to accomplish this, but I know with the Lord I can do anything.
 
Anyways, I´ve gotta go. I love all of you, and thanks for everything you´ve done for me so far. God bless those of you that have sent letters. Those things mean the world to me.
 
Elder Standard



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